"I'm telling you, they boy has no work ethic. None at all, and if I ever finish shoveling snow, I'm going to jerk a knot in his rear end! When I was his age, this was my job. As soon as I got out of bed, I knew it was shovel time!" I exclaimed, while peeking out from under the hood attached to my old Air Force jacket. My wife stood nearby, calmly waiting for her little dog to do it's business in an area that I had cleared just for that reason.
"Oh good grief! You're just like a cranky old man. Ryan is a typical teenager, besides, you're almost done. Cut the kid some slack," she said, still staring at the dog who was now humpback and straining to pass something that it shouldn't have eaten.
I turned around to see that Ryan had indeed decided to join the shoveling party. "Well, well, look who decided to help before his old man dies of a heart attack," I said. "Here blister, finish up," I said while handing over the shovel to my son.
"Blister? That makes no sense dad," the boy quipped, as he too stared at the dog, who now was whining slightly and shaking violently.
"Yeah, you're just like a blister. You show up after the work's done," I explained.
My wife stepped toward the dog surely wondering if the pitiful mutt was constipated. "I think something's wrong with the dog. I mean she appears to be in pain, poor thing," she said.
"Oh sure, I've been out here for two hours shoveling, and the dog gets plugged up and your worried about that!!?" I moaned, while Ryan rested his chin on the shovel. I too was wondering if the dog would ever do its business. The furry little creature surely had bulging veins under all that hair.
"Son, when I was your age, I shoveled and shoveled and shoveled until there was nothing left to shovel. I mean, that was my job. It was expected and I did it with a smile on my face," I said, turning my attention away from our clogged up dog.
Ryan stared at me briefly, and wiped the snow from his head. "Well, Nanny said that you were no ball of fire when you were my age. She said that you NEVER shoveled anything! Papaw did it all!"
"She said that? Well, she's getting older and she probably doesn't remember. I'll refresh her memory the next time I talk to her, that's for sure," I answered, while wondering why my mother saw fit to undermine my authority. Then again, the boy could have very easily fabricated that little snippet.
Ryan finished the three scoops worth of snow I had left him to shovel and promptly disappeared into the cozy confines of our house. The dog finally pooped and my wife and I stood, staring, amazed that a dog that size could squeeze out something to rival that of a rhinoceros dropping.
We made our way back into the house, stopping briefly on the porch to remove our shoes, coats, and gloves. As we entered the kitchen, we could see a watery trail leading to the 'man cave', which is where Ryan usually retreats to for his self described quiet time.
"Did you not think to remove your snowy, icy shoes, before coming in," I asked, as I observed the boy sitting nearly upside down in his recliner while simultaneously looking at who knows what on his phone.
"Huh?"
"Never mind. Did you make your bed?" I asked, slightly annoyed that we'd have to mop up his water trail.
"Huh? Bed? What bed? I mean, no, I didn't make it. I will though," he answered, without making eye contact.
I had begun to wonder if I surely did behave so strangely when I was 14. "Go ahead and make it up, we're going to lunch soon,"
"I don't see the point. I mean, I'm just going to get right back into the bed tonight and mess up all my hard work. Don't you agree?"
"Hard work? It's going to take you three minutes! Get on it!" I barked.
He finally moped up the steps and made the bed.
I made my way to my favorite chair beside the fireplace and decided that a cozy, although surely brief rest was in order before leaving for lunch. I slowly closed my eyes, and within an instant, I could feel the unpleasantness of being watched. As slowly as I had closed my eyes, I gently eased them open to find my wife peering down at me.
"What?" I asked. Kristi stood over me with her hands placed firmly on her hips and a scowl upon her face. I had seen that scowl many times over the years and there was only one person on Earth that could be the cause of such a pinched face...Sidney.
"That kid is driving me crazy!!! I have followed her around all day, picking up towels, shoes, hair pins, nail polish, and who knows what else. I just found a potato chip bag in the bathroom sink!"
I produced a lazy smile and spoke. "Oh for goodness sake. She's typical twelve-year-old, and you're turning into a crotchety old lady. Cut the kid some slack, besides, you're almost done cleaning the house!" I answered.
With that, she snorted and disappeared up the stairs.
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