"This is the captain. We are currently circling above Fort Myers due to the severe weather below, and will likely need to divert to Tampa in order to land. Thanks for your understanding," came the crackling message over the airplane's cabin speakers.
Immediately, everyone around me began pecking away on their cell phones to call or text loved ones, or to perhaps to check the weather radar around the airport. Unfortunately for me, I am the last holdout and currently own an old dumb phone. I could have stared at my list of contacts, but that wouldn't have done much good unless the urge to call someone and catch up on old times. I began to formulate a plan and decided that we'd simply rent our car in Tampa and drive the additional four hours south to Marco Island. I couldn't gauge my wife's reaction due to the fact that I was sandwiched between two total strangers. We decided to fly on an airline that didn't offer assigned seats, so when boarding started, passengers scrambled onto the plane like cattle at feeding time. This little exercise left my family and I scattered hither and yon about the aircraft.
"This is the captain speaking. There is a brief window of opportunity to land, so we are going to give it a shot," came yet another announcement from the cockpit. Finally, we landed and made our way to the baggage claim and on to the rental car agency.
Within a couple of hours, we were standing on the balcony of our condo watching the wind and rain cause the swaying palm trees to double over. "It's going to rain sharks," Ryan said wryly. "I've never seen it rain like this."
The weather forecast was bleak. Severe storms were blowing in from the Gulf of Mexico and things weren't supposed to clear out for another two days.
"There's a break in the weather!" Kristi said, as she burst into the bedroom where I was still in a deep slumber. "I am watching the forecast and we have a few hours until the next storm arrives! I've packed sandwiches and drinks and snacks in the cooler! Lets go while we can!" she continued, as I tried to wipe the sleep from my eyes. With that, we marched out onto the sand with enough belongings to camp for at least a week. It should be noted that there were two ways in which a person could access the beach. First, a long and very wide lagoon could be crossed to reach a more secluded beach to the north. Second, we could simply walk across the sand and arrive unfettered at the beach to the South within a couple of minutes. Which did we choose? The lagoon crossing of course. It's always more practical to ford a quarter mile lagoon, while lugging everything but the kitchen sink while a tropical storm is set to roar in at any minute. It should also be noted that this little expedition was not my idea. My wife in all her excitement preferred the more primitive route due to being more in touch with nature. Soon, we would be exceedingly in touch with nature.
"I'm going shelling!" Kristi chirped, while heading to even more secluded regions of the shore. I felt a sinking feeling when I noticed that we were the ONLY people as far as the eye could see. That sinking feeling sunk a bit more when I noticed a very dark and ominous sky creeping our way from the west. Finally, that sinking feeling sunk to it's lowest depths when lightning started streaking across the sky and the wind began to howl. Stinging grains of sand pelted our skin, and the kids raced toward my chair, which was held down only because I was sitting in it. "Where's mom?!!" Ryan screamed over the howling wind.
"I haven't the foggiest, but she better get here fast, because I'm out of here." I answered, as rain bounced off my face.
I'd never seen my wife in an all out sprint, but suddenly and without notice, she appeared. At first she was a mere dot in the distant rain and wind. But in an instant she had performed her best Carl Lewis impression and was standing next to me. Soon she was huffing and puffing, racing to grab as much as her arms could hold. "Oh my gosh! We're in a bad spot! Ruuuuuun!"
Sidney was mad. "Mom just had to drag us out here! Now were going to die!" the child screamed as the thunder and lightning rocked the shoreline.
We didn't die, but we could have. We arrived safely at our condo and the storm blew over.
Finally, the weather cleared and the rest of the week looked like clear sailing for us. We fished, swam, went shelling (the shells on the Gulf of Mexico are wonderful) and generally lounged around, soaking up the sun. We also walked... a lot. Constant walking in wet shorts can produce some very undesirable results. You guessed it, chaffing of the worst kind.
"Dad, I'm sore," Ryan said.
I felt his pain. I too, was extremely chaffed. " I know son, I am too. It's all this darned walking we're doing," I said, while trying to adjust my swimming shorts for more comfort. "Sidney's having problems too."
I convinced Kristi that we needed to retreat back to the condo to give our pitiful inner thighs some attention. So, with that we ambled, slowly, like the Earp brothers heading to the OK Corral, back to the condo for some comfort.
Despite some foul weather, chaffed thighs, and airport delays, we had a wonderful vacation. Now we're home and I think I'll take a nap. Maybe I'll dream about next years adventure, minus the tropical storms and those very sore thighs.
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